The Friend Request that Changed My Life

Do you ever sit back and reflect on how one decision has totally changed your life?

As I daily navigate my most recent roles in life as wife and mother, I often think back on the choices and events that brought me to the place I am today.

Now I know it’s a little bit deeper than this, but I am partly where I am today due to my decision to send a Facebook friend request to someone.

Yep, you read that right. I sent my current husband a totally random friend request on Facebook five years ago. I say random because it wasn’t something I would normally do. I actually came across his page via a post he made on a mutual Facebook friend’s wall. His writing seemed very well thought out and I got a little curious. I still do this. I’ll be checking out something on a friend’s page and then next thing you know, I’ve clicked on other folks’ pages based upon comments they wrote. Facebook tends to bring out that curiosity (nosiness) in most of us though, doesn’t it?

But anyway, I thought his page was pretty interesting. The page wasn’t public, but from what I could see, we seemed to have a few things in common: locs (dreadlocks), love for our culture, spirituality, and an interest in our African roots. So I said hey, I’m going to send this dude a friend request. I didn’t think he was a possible love interest at all. Honestly guys, I didn’t.

My husband still thinks I’m in denial and that I sought him out because he was such a looker. But no, I was just trying something new. You know, trying to connect and broaden my horizons. I did think he was handsome, but that was not my focus.

However, that something new turned into me relocating to a new city, having children and getting married!

Talk about ripple effects…more to come.

Topics such as these will be discussed further. My laptop is currently down so I’m writing this blog with my cellphone, which I don’t like to do.

Once again, I’m just scratching the surface with this blogging thing. I know I have a long ways to go and many ways to grow.

To my readers:

Have you reflected on any decisions you have made lately? One simple action that catapulted your life into a myriad of changes.

Ultimately, what drives our decisions are our desires, values, childhood experiences, and even our environment. Therefore, when we truly reflect and allow ourselves to be honest, it can reveal so much about who really are…and even maybe how we aren’t what we thought we were in some cases.

Please comment and share your thoughts.

Also, I’m currently a full-time Mommy seeking opportunities to work from home or flexible opportunities outside the home. It has to be financially worth it though, child care is a beast! Please share.

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A Work in Progress

So this blogging I am doing is in a very organic stage. Right now, I’m focused on making blogging a habit. As I write and share my thoughts, I hope to connect with others and to fulfill this sense of purpose I have always felt when it comes to writing.

It’s not so much about money or followers. It’s about finally becoming so uncomfortable with where you are in life that you can no longer keep ignoring this nagging feeling in your soul that you are running from something you were created to do.

I’m looking forward to digging deep and reflecting so I can expose what has held me back…better yet, to reveal why I have held myself back.

My two precious gems are napping next to me right now and I would like to use this time to catch a short nap as well. However, I will return to this topic and hope to engage with others in the blogosphere regarding the following: purpose, career, fulfillment, success and income.

I want to hear your stories. I want to hear how you define success. How do you balance and grapple with taking care of yourself and others as it relates to your career choices? Are you statisfied? What significant changes would you like to make or what changes have you made in your career/life journey?

To be continued folks…

Peace, Light and Love!

I’m Not Who I Was…

Last summer, I remember sharing with someone that I no longer felt like myself. I shared my struggle with this sense of frustration regarding where my life was prior to having children and being married in comparison to where it is now.

After I was done, the person replied, “Well, you aren’t the same. You have experienced some drastic, life changes and it’s okay.”

As simple as this statement was, it seemed to provide me with the grace in that moment to accept my life had indeed changed, and that it was completely natural for me to have these feelings of uneasiness.

In that moment, I accepted my life had changed and told myself…Brenda, it’s okay. You have changed. Your body has changed. Your responsibilities have changed. Your surroundings have change, and you have been freaking out about all of this and it is okay.

You see, for over 30 something years, the only person I was responsible for was me. I was the youngest of three children and I was the only girl. You might say I was even a little spoiled.

Though I’ve had plenty of times throughout my life where I have served others and volunteered my time as a young, single woman, it was still mostly on my terms. At the end of day, I could return home and recharge.

For me, home was always the place where I could be in my own little world and just be. Now, however, home is the complete opposite and as I look back, it seems to have happened so fast.

I met my husband in 2014, relocated to a new city in 2015, had a baby in 2016, relocated back to a former city in 2017, got married to my husband in 2018, and then also had our second baby in 2018.

Whew! That was a lot. Don’t get me wrong…marriage, children and all that jazz are things I’ve always longed for. I am grateful for my husband and feel so blessed to have his love and support.

Even more, I am amazed at the fact I was the vessel my two beautiful children entered this world through. I look at them and I experience an abundance of emotion because these two little humans are a part of me and I am a part of them. They are my biggest and most valued accomplishments.

So at the end of the day, I’m just not who I was…I have evolved. I have changed. I have been stretched. My identity and sense of purpose is now connected to more people and more responsibility. It’s challenging. It’s new. It’s been hard to adjust at times. But you know what? It’s okay!

To you I say:

It is okay! Your life has changed. You have experienced some changes that have shaken your life upside down. Maybe it was because of choices you made or maybe it was because of someone else’s actions and it has impacted your life greatly. Either way, change has come. You feel uncomfortable with it. You are frustrated things aren’t like they used to be.

Well, you know what, it’s okay to feel that way. As you wrestle with these feelings, it is also important to accept, to allow yourself to grow through this, and to let yourself expand.

You are not who you were because you are evolving…and it is okay! Release yourself. Accept it and let yourself evovle.

Peace, Light and Love…

My First Post

It’s about 3 a.m in the Midwest. Everyone (the kids and hubby) are sleep and I’m just lying here trying to figure out life. What’s my purpose? How can I be here for my family and generate income without feeling guilty? How does one have 3 degrees and yet can’t seem to find a decent paying job? How does one change careers in the midst of being a mom to a toddler and a 6-month old?

How does this 38-year old who reflects on childhood and pre-adulthood desires to be a writer, make this happen after all this time? Where is the time to do so? At 3 a.m. I guess.

What does one do with all her frustrations and inhibitions regarding writing, purpose, success and navigating this thing called life?

Will anyone read this? Is there anyone who can relate? What will come of this? I want to write. I want to share and connect. I want to vent and complain. I want to encourage and uplift. I want to challenge myself and others. I want to learn, to research, to investigate, to interview and more!

I need direction. I need guidance. Most importantly, I needed to write my first post and to just do it! The rest will fall in place…I hope.

Well, I did it!